Dear listening ear

Dear listening ear, 

 People say that soft and subtleness is beautiful in a woman. but to me it has always been my fear; because this world has never been fond of soft things, and its never had the eye for subtleness. 

it's never had the eye for me. 

my biggest fear has always been that no one would ever see me. that no one would see when I was trying to share a laugh with someone, that no one would pick up on when I was trying to express myself, or that no one would see when i just wanted to feel loved. making me feel that my message didn't matter. that i didn't matter.
 And like you've probably guessed, this class has been one of the those painful things. From day 1, I decided that my fears would probably be that I would blend in. That my blog would be "one of those blogs". That my heart would be, oh you know, "one of those hearts". So I detached myself from my self. 
 If I didn't get any comments, then it was Ricochet's fault, not mine.
 If my writing lacked confidence, then I could say it wasn't me. 
If anyone had to be invisible, please let it be her. Not me.
For most of this class, I created Ricochet. I made her the person that I feared I was....And I never even knew her. And now I have to let her go. 
 Most of the "heart" you saw on here was hers. It was the kind that is half muscle and blood, half grinning-and-bearing-it. It was Ricochet's. Because I condemned her to that. I could've made her amazing, but I didn't. 
 It wasn't until around the time when we talked about fear in class and we wrote down everything we didn't want, that I realized Ricochet Greyson was everything that was spilled on my paper.
And that was when we became one. That was when I made her visible. It was there that I created her with experiences around the campfire, made a map of our heart, or an album of my life. That was when I decided that I loved Ricochet Greyson. 
 It was a short bout, a great last ride together. I could've made her amazing, but instead I chose to make her a imperfect. My masterpiece. 
And now here I am trying to write her away. 
But I don't think I can do it. 
 Before that time she would've had you believe that she was depressed, but still remarkably pushing through. She would have you believe that she had all of the confidence and hope in the world. 
 But now she would have you believe that I am alive and that I know I am different even though my subtle self makes it hard to see. She would try to make you see that I have had my share of crisis and heartbreak. I may be awkward or average, or that person that always makes babies cry. I may be that quiet or "really nice" girl in B6, but if Ricochet had the chance to show you she'd tell you that I have an insanely feisty opinion and I am definitely not who I appear to be. I may not be sassy or I may not be drop dead gorgeous but if Ricochet really knew herself, you'd know that it doesn't matter. 
 Anywho. Maybe this hasn't been super clear, but I hope that these 
past few weeks you've been able to see her heart for what it really is. I may have a blog that a lot of people see, but not very many people read, or in other words, you may see me around a lot, but not truly "see" me. But Ricochet Greyson would have you believe that she is okay with that. She would have you believe that she doesn't need that to feel loved or understood any more. Anyways, thanks for listening. 
              
             This is me checking out from Ricochet Greyson,

    Yours truly, 
               Katy(freaking)McClain