I used to write in Pencil

I used to write in Pencil.
everything i said was light and easy to smudge away.
and very easy to erase.
i'd never take risks except on rare occasion, with my eraser tight in hand.
when my tip got dull, i never knew how to sharpen it so i wouldn't.
i would just sit back and compare myself to the pen writers.
when my tip broke, and others would offer me a pen,
i would just pretend that i had another pencil,
the fear of ink on my fingers and clothes
stronger than my love for writing, or just anything.
the comfortable feeling of a pencil in my hand, a trap.
Pen writers scared me. Bold. Owners of their imperfection.
Eternal. 
Their confident messiness reminding me of something I never had.
The permission to be bold. 
But who needs that? when among other pencil writers, that permission seems like a priority, 
and their erasers are sometimes even more crippling than ink on your fingers. 
So why not write in Pen where no one can erase me? 
I used to live in Fear. 
But its okay because I write in Pen now. And I am not Afraid.