Dear G,
Thats what I've decided to call you. While other giggling souls chose to call you GareBear or G-Mo, I choose to call you G. It just suits you. Anyways. Now you have a nickname.
I just need you to know some things. I haven't seen you in a year and I've changed so much. I wish I could go back and be the person that you probably needed me to be. And not to be cocky or anything, but I wish you could see me now. I bet you've changed a lot too... and I hope for the better.
G, there were so many things I never came right out and told you. Like, I like you. I know my actions said so, but my words didn't. I'm sorry. I know that you did too.
I'm sorry that I never told you much about me. I would've if I could. I remember the look on your face the last time I saw you. I think you were crying but I couldn't tell because it was dark and you had your glasses on. I know, I don't do good with abrupt-ness either....to say the least. Thank you for not letting go. Just because I didnt cry doesn't mean my heart wasn't heavy. Or that I hadn't cried at all afterwards.
Can I just say that I think you're better than you think you are? Your macho peacock guy failed to work on me from day 1. I know that you knew that, but you pretended that you didn't. Turd. Why do you need to protect yourself in that way?
When I gave you that note in English 9, I meant it....
I may not have had my head when I did it. But I meant it.
I don't know...I want to say that I loved you. I felt a lot of that for you even though we really didn't know each other at a deep level, but I also know what infatuation means and I think I felt a lot of that too. People always say that teenagers don't know what love feels like. And I know that every twitterpated high school couple says that they're the exception to that statement, but when I look at them it seems like they're not. I don't know. I know I've felt love for someone. I've gone to camps and things over the summer and I know by the end of the few days that I'm there I've made new friends that I love. People won't judge me for that. But I know the minute I say that I love you, then it automatically means I'm infatuated. And maybe I really don't, because real love doesn't care what others say. But I think I do. I don't know.
I may not know if I'm infatuated or not right now, but I do know that I fell in love with the person that only I saw: the person you could become. I fell in love with the potential that I never see in anyone, but saw in you. I fell in love with the thoughts about our potential that took up all of my homework time. I fell in love with the butterflies that I felt in my tummy whenever I knew I was gonna see you. I fell in love with the idea that you loved me.
You know what, G? I do love you. I think everyone feels somewhat love for each other anyways, attracted to each other or not. I know I would've loved you even if I hadn't been attracted to you. Just because with me and you theres the added "attracted" factor doesn't mean that we're automatically a cheesy high school couple...infatuated. We can have the "love-each-other-as-friends" type of relationship with the added "attracted-to-each-other" type of feeling to it because thats what it honestly felt like between us. Anywho. Good thing you know me well enough to know how I talk because I don't think this is making any sense haha.
Well. There ya go, G. Theres everything I never said. Thanks for all that you've done for me. Take care.
mE
I love this so much
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